The "C" word

Cancer. Just saying the word makes me shudder. It is an awful disease. It kills far too many people each year. I am sure that everyone reading this directly knows someone with cancer.

As a nursing student I deal with people with cancer on a daily basis. I am often asked how I deal with such sadness all the time. I am not sure how...but somehow nurses have the ability to not let it get to them. Only some people really get to us, they are the few that are allowed in as if to teach us a lesson. If we let every patient with a sad story get to us we would never be able to go to work because it is just too sad.

Cancer affects people differently. Some are able to fight it off and beat cancer, some fight for a while but are no match for its terrible grip on their lives. And some still may not even have the chance to fight it off because it comes much to ferociously.

I spent my last set of days off in the Kootenays visiting my Papa who is quickly losing his many year battle with colon cancer. His body is now riddled with cancer and the chemo treatments have caused what is called chemo-induced-Alzheimer's. He has moments of extreme confusion mixed with moments of being lucid. He still remembers all his close family members thank God, but is quickly forgetting most everything else.

My Papa has always been the family provider, Mr. Fix-it-all, tender of the garden, garbage taker-outer, wood stove lighter, vehicle up-keep man and the list goes on and on. So imagine my Nana's life at age 78 when she now needs to learn how to do all these things herself.

My Papa also lived a very active life before the cancer. He retired after 42 years of service as a plant manager at Cominco, a large smelter in Trail where he grew up. He played hockey in the 1952 Olympics in Oslo and won a gold medal! He married my Nana in 1955 and they had 4 children, my mother being the oldest. They built a cabin on christina lake that all us grandchildren got to enjoy for many years. He lived a full life.

But that is no excuse for cancer to take his life. My trip to Trail to see him last weekend was heart wrenching. A shell of a man sat in my Papa's favorite rocking chair. He was skin and bones. He was more confused and eating almost nothing, he needed help walking from chair to bed, bed to chair. But when I walked in that room there was a twinkle in his eye and he greeted me warmly. He still knew my name. What a relief. During the 4 day visit he cracked a couple jokes but for the most part was either sleeping in his chair or in bed. Home support workers were in daily to help him wash and dress. I was on the brink of tears the entire weekend. Look at what cancer has done to him. It was horrifying.

The day I left last week, my Nana finally made the decision to put him into a palliative care facility that could take better care of him.

Tonight my mother received a call from my Nana stating that the nurses and doctors have told her that my Papa likely only has days to live now. He is failing fast. As I write this, I can no longer hold back the tears, it is too much. Cancer is about to take another beautiful life. Yes, he is nearly 82 years old and has lived a good life, but that doesn't matter. It angers me that his life has to end this way. In a hospital bed, in pain, confused, and yet also acutely aware of his fading life.

My aunt told my mother today, that as she left the hospital today to head back to her home in Penticton, she leaned down to my sleeping Papa, kissed his cheek and told him I love you and will miss you. My papa opened his eyes, looked at her and his tears began falling. He knows. He knows he likely wont be alive to see her again. It breaks my heart. We have to stop this horrible disease.

Now every time the phone rings I find myself wondering if this will be the call. The call that my mom is dreading with her whole heart, that I too am dreading.

Please pray for my family. For my Papa. For peace, understanding, comfort, and a pain free death. He deserves all that and more.

I love you Papa. I will miss you terribly. See you in heaven.

The year he was chosen to be part of the Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Age:25

Taken this August at my aunt and uncles farm. A mere 2 months ago.



**UPDATE** My Papa passed away last night (October 27th) in the presence of loved ones. He is no longer fighting or suffering in pain. He is at peace. Thank you for all your kind words and prayers. They are appreciated.