You might be an ER nurse if.....

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you..
You believe a good tape job will fix anything...
You have the bladder capacity of five people...
Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change...
You find humor in other people's stupidity...
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac...
You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...
You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with the complaint of migraine, lower back pain, chronic myalgia (choose one of the above), a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol), and the statement that the family doctor is from out of town...
You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer...
You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis...
You have discovered a new condition that you call "loser-itis"...
You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce...
You debate which is worse, spaghetti and meatballs or pizza and beer, while performing gastric lavage...
You plan your dinner break while lavaging an overdose patient...
You believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan...
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...
You believe chocolate is a food group...
You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name...
You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers ...
You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care unit...
You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis...
You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...
You have ever wanted to reply "yes" when someone calls and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"...
You have ever referred to the E.R. Doc or triage nurse as a "shit magnet"...
You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...
Your most common assessment question is "what changed, --- tonight ,to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"...
You have witnessed the charge nurse muttering down the hallway "who's in charge of this mess anyway?"...
You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group...
You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a valium fountain...
You play poker by betting ectopics on EKG strips...
You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control...
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there !"...
You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset ("you've had the pain for three weeks...well have a seat in the waiting room and we'll get to you in three days")...
You know the phone number to the local Detox Center by heart...
You have ever had a patient say, ". . .----But, I'm not pregnant; I can't be pregnant; how can I be having a baby?"...
You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food...
Your idea of gambling is an ETOH level pool instead of a football pool...
Your bladder expands to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank...
Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack
squirrels in the backyard...
You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol...
You have every referred to subcutaneous air as "Rice Krispies"...
You have thought OD instead of BBQ when asked to get the Charcoal...
You have had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency...
You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"...
You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"...
You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring, lip ring, and multiple tattoos tell you "I'm afraid of shots"...
You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing...
You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on backboards with sirens on and anxiety a level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch....
You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily...
You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation...
You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory...
You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"...

I found most of these quite true, and rather humorous! Hope you enjoyed a few of them.